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What to watch on Netflix to avoid Valentine's Day rubbish

Monday, February 5th 2018 by Emma Woollacott

Well, it's that time of year again. Restaurants are advertising special candle-lit dinners and there are cheap deals on chocolates, giant teddy bears and the sort of red roses that start drooping the minute you get them home.

On the main TV channels, we can expect the usual Valentine's Day fodder for loved-up couples, from rom-coms to black-and-white weepies. Not great if you're sitting sulking on your own.

But if you've got a Netflix subscription, you have other options this February 14th. From murderous brides to sexually-transmitted curses, we look at some of the most unromantic options for Valentine's Day.

New this month

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, whose third series has just debuted, could seem like a good option for the misanthropic. Unfortunately, though, it's a lot more soppy than you might expect.

You'll almost certainly have a much better anti-Valentine's day watching another new release this month: Sharknado 5. With no red roses, but plenty of blood, it hits the site tomorrow.

Or for sheer unrelenting gloom and doom, there's The Trader: a 22-minute documentary observing rural life in the Republic of Georgia. Following a man who sells second-hand goods, it's all about mud and potatoes, basically.

You won't get to watch it until the 27th, but we think Derren Brown: The Push should get a special mention. It's not easy to believe in the power of love when you watch someone being manipulated into what they believe is murder.

Old favourites

Uma Thurman is surely the opposite of a romantic heroine in Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill. Waking from a coma, she discovers that her ex has tried to murder her on her wedding day, and embarks on a gory killing spree.

Gerald's Game is a good reminder of just what a bad idea sex can be. During a kinky session, a man has a heart attack leaving his wife handcuffed to the bed - and when Death starts appearing, things don't go well.

The Species franchise, meanwhile, demonstrates that pulling a gorgeous woman can have fatal consequences - when she turns out to be half-human, half-alien, that is. In Species III, Sara's attempts to find a suitable mate leave a trail of deaths in her wake.

Any woman who wants reminding just how awful love and marriage can be could settle down with Sleeping With The Enemy. When abused wife Julia Roberts makes a break for it after faking her own death, her husband finds out the truth and comes after her.

In It Follows, a woman discovers that she's fallen foul of a sexually-transmitted curse that sees her shadowed by a demon. Thoroughly scary, the film follows her as she tries to pass the curse on to someone else.

To watch this lot, of course, you'll need a Netflix subscription, which costs £5.99 for a basic one-screen contract, or £7.99 for two simultaneous screens. The premium service, which includes ultra HD and the ability to watch on four screens at the same time, costs £9.99.

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